You can never be too relaxed.

     For instance: I was recently moseying down to Bart’s Corner, on 13th and Stein Ave, when what did I see but a vehicular accident, of the sort that might occasionally be fatal, two motorized boxes colliding virtually head-on in an intersection, surely as a result of some sort of misunderstanding.

     The unenlightened soul might have reacted in a panic to the man in the two-door coupe spurting blood from both his eyeballs while the woman in the four-door sedan attempted to scramble to safety despite the fact that both her legs had been severed by the collapsed dashboard.

     However, I remained perfectly calm.

     “Woah there, lady,” I said, tackling her to the pavement and placing a tarpalin against her blood-shooting stumps, then tying the tarp around her armpits.

     Then too I dropped the eyeless man to his knees, plastered a local heavy metal poster to his face and regularly emboldened him to remain calm.

     I saved the day.

     You can never be too relaxed.